Everyone wants their relationship to be long and happy. But this is not always the case. There are a number of things that even the strongest couples break, and sometimes we don’t even notice that they destroy love and trust. In this article we will talk about these phenomena and how to resist them.
The relationship between two people is an extremely difficult thing, which can be influenced by a variety of factors that arise both from the outside and within the pair itself. If it is impossible to insure yourself against external factors, then we all can afford to avoid certain behaviors that can destroy relationships. So what is this behavior?
- A negative outlook on the world
In the life of everyone, heavy blows periodically happen. Loss of work, illness and death of loved ones, an unfulfilled dream – all this seriously undermines a person’s optimism, he loses faith in the best and begins to look at everything through the prism of disappointment. And this negativity is contagious. When one of the partners is constantly unhappy, and the second unsuccessfully tries to support him, console him, cheer him up – over time, they experience complete emotional devastation. They no longer feel the joy of a relationship, attraction disappears.
Of course, after difficult situations, everyone needs time. If your loved one has experienced this, at first it’s worth acting delicately, supporting him, helping with solving problems; give the opportunity to express negative emotions, and not demand the same positive attitude as before. But if the experience dragged on, the problems have already been solved or enough time has passed, and the person still continues to see the negative in everything, it is worth gently sending him to therapy. On their own, few people manage to get a loved one out of depression without the help of professionals. And when you try, you can yourself imbued with negativity.
Sometimes, for some reason, one of the partners begins to behave aloof: does not show care and tenderness, is not interested in the affairs of the second half, does not support conversations or completely avoids them. Often this is based on complex psychological reasons. Without realizing it, a person projects injuries from the past onto a current partner.
This may be, for example, a negative experience with parents. If they put pressure on a person in childhood and he hardly got rid of their influence, then he will avoid a partner in adulthood, if his behavior reminds one of his parents’ behavior. In this case, distancing occurs unconsciously, the person himself cannot find the reason for the sudden disappearance of interest.
In the event of an unresolved dispute or undercurrent of resentment, it is common for people to show passive aggression and openly show their indifference to the other half. Therefore, it is important to pronounce all claims aloud and look for solutions to the differences together.
If feelings have passed, then detachment will be a natural behavior and nothing can be done about it. The most important thing in this situation is not to cling to the past, but to honestly answer the question of what you both want in the future.
- Constant criticism
Criticism is perhaps the most important enemy of relations. Wanting to lead a person with the help of harsh remarks or, seemingly, making fun of him harmlessly, you can completely discourage the desire to continue the relationship. It is especially dangerous if both partners are not shy in expressions, cling to the little things and express any claims too sharply. This kills mutual respect, but how can you maintain intimacy with someone you do not respect? If you notice the habit of criticizing with or without, think about whether this feeling of your own rightness or superiority is more important than the other half. If, on the contrary, you are faced with such an attitude, do not answer in the same way, but openly admit that it is unpleasant for you. It is likely that a frank conversation is enough to listen to you.
- Foreign interference
It is rare that other people’s intervention in a couple’s life leads to something good. Even if friends and relatives want only good for you, their advice may be unsuccessful, and their opinion may be subjective. Therefore, the advice of others should be skeptical, and it is better not to devote anyone to the details of their personal lives. If you doubt your chosen one, then you still have to solve any problems together. And if everything is fine with you, then do not let anyone destroy it.
Relations cannot be built without a solid foundation based on trust. Both partners should feel safe, be confident in another person: that he will not deceive, not betray. If trust collapses, rebuilding it will be very difficult. Even worse is mistrust for no reason. Constant suspicions and reproaches of alleged infidelity can simply destroy all the good that is in pair. Therefore, it is so important to be able to trust and avoid jealousy for no reason. But it is worth being objective. If the other person is constantly deceiving or has already been caught in real betrayal, you need to understand that there is every reason that this will happen again. And you need to ask yourself whether you are ready to endure this, or the relationship has become obsolete.
- Fictitious resentment
Surely in everyone’s life there was a situation when he wanted to take offense at his beloved person, because it seemed that behind his innocent words a veiled claim or insult was hidden. Moreover, the man himself did not mean anything like that and sincerely didn’t he did what. Looking for a problem where it does not exist is one of the surest ways to destroy an alliance. Evaluate the girl’s attitude towards you according to her actions, and if they do not disagree with words, do not think up anything for yourself.
- Comparison with others
It may seem to you that a friend’s relationship has developed better: he never quarrels with his girlfriend; she is always in a parade and in a good mood, and she also treats you very well. While your soulmate is often angry over trifles, sometimes she looks bad and does not like this friend too much. So, if you caught yourself in such thoughts, rather throw them out of your head. It makes no sense to think that somewhere “the grass is greener” and idealize someone else’s life. We never see the whole picture. No matter how brightly all other people describe, there is always a negative about which they are silent, and ideal characters are only in the movies. A fabulous novel by friends may actually turn out to be just an illusion. Appreciate your relationship, albeit not perfect, if you really feel good about them.
If there are mutual accusations in a pair, it is difficult to call them happy. Moreover, harsh statements do not help to resolve the dispute. Instead of saying, “You’re bad!” Spoiled everything again! ” better calmly propose a solution. Say: “I feel insulted and would feel better if you …”. Such “I-messages”, conveyed in a calm, friendly tone, disarm and force the other person to listen to you.
- Different manifestations of emotions
Often it seems to people that they lack love and care for the reason that they look differently with their partner on how the manifestations of real feelings should look. Someone considers constant hugs and kisses to be the main evidence of love, someone needs stable help in everyday life, and someone cannot feel happy without warm words. Instead of wondering if the other half loves you the way you do, make it clear that the most important thing for her in a relationship is. And, of course, tell me what you need. You may need to remind each other more than once that you need to hug more often (wash dishes, say compliments). But the only way you can build a strong bond.
- Mismatch of interests
Different interests are not a critical but tangible problem that can destroy the union. In fact, there is nothing wrong if you both have diametrically opposed hobbies to which you devote your free time without attracting a soul mate. Even in the most ideal relationships, it is important for partners to have their own space and relax from each other. But if one is categorically against the hobbies of the other, then conflicts begin. No matter how annoying the girl’s hobby is, do not show it. Do not criticize when she talks about him, do not make fun of her, but rather praise her successes. Seeing your support, the beloved will certainly answer the same.
Any relationship is always a union of two people, so two are responsible for their safety. Not only the above things become the cause of the gap. A lot can shake the strongest connection if you don’t start working on the problem in time, don’t negotiate, make compromises and, most importantly, don’t be honest with each other and yourself. It is important to be aware of your role in this situation. Then, even if this relationship cannot be saved, in the next you will not repeat past mistakes.
Share in the comments what do you consider the main enemy of the relationship.